You really coming over, don't trick.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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