This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
