you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
