god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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