The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
