i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
