When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
