He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
i need some magic done to my vagina
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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