birth control should be required to get into college
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
