I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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