1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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