Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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