What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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