I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize