words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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