Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
