Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
