yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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