I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
