what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
