Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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