make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
