Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
