Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
