it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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