Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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