I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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