My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
