Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
