I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
