The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
