what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize