I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize