I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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