butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
