i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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