I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
