I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
