Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
