So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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