saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
