Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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