The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
