i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
My balls are so social today.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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