Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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