oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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