New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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