I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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