The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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