my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Damn victory sex feels great
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
