What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
