The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
