so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
