He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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