Don't you send me to vm
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
