Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Randomize
