I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
