I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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