watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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