Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
