the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
