I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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