I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
