I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
