I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
