clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Randomize
