Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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