the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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