The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
