my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
