she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
